This post has been a LONG time coming. Like maybe my entire life long…well, not quite, but pretty close. According to the dictionary, this is the definition of a “friend”.
Definition of FRIEND
a : one that is not hostile
: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
: a favored companion
So let’s talk about that for a minute. I think that the term “friend” is actually used rather loosely. And, because of that, many people often mistake people as friends, when in fact they are just random people passing in and out of their lives that they may or may not socialize with on occasion.
Take for example number 1,
a : one attached to another by affection or esteem- this is to assume that you genuinely like someone and that you have things or views in common with them.
However, I have learned that it’s ok to have differences. As long as you both understand that it’s OK TO HAVE DIFFERENCES. When you feel like everyone should be and think just like you, that’s when problems arise. It’s funny because I have friends that sometimes I shake my head, bewildered at what and how they are thinking and then I realize that, that is ok, I don’t have to share the same views with them, it’s what makes our friendship interesting and thought provoking. We keep each other on our toes!
Number 2, a : one that is not hostile- well that one just stands to reason. Why on earth would you want to be around a hostile person? Yet, time and time again, in my history of friendships, I have inevitably found myself in just that situation. Someone, that I felt was a friend, betrayed me, hurt me, left for no good reason. Or better yet, left me out, or left my kids out…which quite frankly just pisses me off.
And then, there is number 4, : a favored companion…Of course we all want a “FAVORED” companion. My husband is my favored companion. By far, my most favored. But, I have other favorites…my 2 high school best friends Patty and Vicki, who may I mention are so far from being alike…yet I love them both equally and for so many different reasons! My partner in crime and cooking and everything I can think of, Kelsey, is also one of my most favorite favored companions! When I stop and think about it, I have many favored companions…new and old. My new “family” at U-Turn are definitely some of the best people and I am so lucky to call them new friends…very favored.
This all brings me to the task of becoming friends with someone and staying friends. As I write this my mind races through some of the past friendships that I have had. There are some of them that I still consider friends, even though we may rarely ever talk. I know that they are there, and at one point in my life they were such a huge part of who I am that they will always hold the title of “friend”.
What sparked this post though, what has me really thinking and pondering is HOW come it is so hard to be friends with someone? So here it is, I’m laying it all out how I see it. I am a good friend. Ask those “favored companions” of mine, they will agree. I bring a lot to a friendship, I like to think that I am funny, and caring and a good listener and a good advice giver. I like to think that I am honest, maybe too much so. I like to think I am a good cook, entertainer, hostess….I have a strong faith in our God and I pray for my friends with a passion. But. There always has to be a “but”, but I am also needy. I want attention from my friends, I want to feel wanted, I need to be included and thought of. That is something I just can’t seem to be able to put my finger on. For whatever reason, I just can’t fit in. I don’t fit in. I am constantly excluded and not just me, but my kids seem to have the same thing happen to them. Maybe it’s because I don’t conform to that whole “perfect school mom” mold, maybe it’s because I am a little stand offish, at least until you get to know me and that is only because my self confidence isn’t exactly the highest and I wonder what people are thinking of me.
I started this post off in an angry mode, but now I’m just tired. It is exhausting this whole process of being and making friends. I look at my kids, especially my daughter and my heart just aches. I know what they have to go through. What lies ahead. I saw it today when I went to Emma’s school and firsthand witnessed the aloofness of her former so called friends, how they snubbed her and ME! It makes me sad, but not surprised. I can only hope that she finds her “favored companions” and she sticks with those that know her heart. Then there is Riley, who is so easy go with the flow and likes everyone. He is so much like me in that he just is there, he will befriend anyone and everyone…and he too will get left out and not included.
If you are reading this and wondering if I wrote any of it about you, I probably did. This community is full of cliques and unfortunately I have learned that for the most part when I think I have made a new “friend” in fact it’s just the “friend du jour” (thank you for that phrase favored companion!) It really just is hard to trust and in my opinion being friends with someone just shouldn’t have to be so hard.