Yes, YOU have the Opportunity NOT to Feel Like 40

Or 45 or 35 or 50 or 65, you get what I’m saying.  I have spent the last 11 months and 7 days stressing and worrying and trying to understand how on Earth I could actually be about to turn 40?  I mean, afterall, I just turned 28 like 2 years ago…so somewhere it is possible that I overcounted?  Right?   Yet, here I am.  About a month a way from the big one, the big 4-0, and oddly enough, I’m finding myself ok with it.  Not every day, but most days, I’m fine.  Maybe it’s due to the fact that nearly everytime I squat down to get something out of a cabinet, my hamstrings and thighs scream at me.  Or perhaps it’s the comments I get from friends about how my butt looks a little bigger or my back twinges when I turn a certain way.  These are all signs that I’m getting stronger not older, little by little.  You see, I watched a video clip the other day of Ashton (Chris) Kutcher, he was speaking at the Teen Choice awards, and while I have always liked him, what he said rang true on so many levels for me…especially with a preteen in the house now!  He stated that “opportunity looks a lot like HARD work”.  And you know what, it does.  For me this rang so loud and so clear in the fact that I have the opportunity to NOT feel like 40, it’s really just a number,  I would rather feel like 28 (remember, that was only like 2 years ago)  so for that to happen then so does a whole lot of HARD work.  

I get so frustrated when I am out or when I read posts on Facebook from friends close to my age and how they blame their health, mood, injury, blood pressure, heart issues, weight…ect ect ect on their age.  Especially now.  Especially since I started Crossfitting.  You see, I am the ultimate anti-Crossfitter.  I was SO against it all.  There was no way you would find me in a BOX…what the hell is a BOX anyway?  I wasn’t going there.  That was too hard, I wasn’t fit enough, I needed to work out first and get to a certain “level” before even thinking of stepping in the door, I was too busy, I hated the gym, I hated lifting, I hated cardio…especially running.  I was JUST fine with my pilates class, that I hadn’t been to in 4 years, or my P90X that I modified to my enjoyment since I had NO one to hold me accountable, and yes then I bragged about all my dates with Tony Horton.  I was that girl.  And now, now I am THAT girl…the one who brags about her 2 unassisted pull ups and pushes herself beyond what she ever no NEVER thought she would do.  I am that girl that gets up before the sun and jumps in the car with her used to be arch enemy to laugh and talk and cheer one another on at a 6:15 am WOD, that “frenemy” has turned into one of the best girlfriends I have had and it’s because we left it all outside when we first walked in the door of that box, we realized that life isn’t about who has the picture perfect marriage, or well behaved kids or clean house or any of the other bullshit us mothers compare ourselves to.  Life is about being around people that encourage you to try.  Life is about cheering another person on when they feel like quitting and you honestly know and believe that they can finish.  I found friends at my Crossfit box that I have never been able to find since I graduated from high school (which remember was a very long time ago) .  

So that takes me back to age.  If you are seriously feeling 40 then there is a problem.  If you feel that you are too weak, too tired, too busy, too stressed, too anti social, too embarrassed to change, ask yourself a question.  Do you want to?  Do you want to change?  Do you want to feel 40 and accept that age is natural and so must be everything that goes along with it?  OR do you want to do something?  Start now…embrace the opportunity NOW.  No matter what your age.  It doesn’t have to be Crossfit, but quit making excuses.  “Opportunity looks a lot like HARD work”, get up, get out and MOVE.  I promise you won’t regret it.  I have had pains in places I never even knew could hurt…but I have also deadlifted 175lbs and scored a few double unders and unassisted pull ups.  My daughter loves that I can now easily throw the 35lb bag of dog food over my shoulder like nothing and has pointed out in public that her mom “crossfits”…I SURE didn’t feel 40 then.  I have Rx’d and set personal goals, I watch my amazing husband and get all giddy when I realize that I have a “mountain of a man” and HE too is also almost 40.  He is a true boss and proves it everyday…and also totally unexpected to me…he is an inspiration.  (Just kidding, kind of) He gives it his all because that is his thing and he brings it.  He is respected and trusted.  I just wonder what the next 10 years will hold for us both…Masters at the Crossfit games?  LOL!  I’m not going to stretch it that far…at least not for myself!  Anyhow, yes, my hamstrings are tight…I deadlifted 155# and rowed a million miles yesterday (at least it felt like it) and yes my butt is getting bigger…it needed to, it was a bit concave…and really, my husband can’t stop looking at it and neither can I…and the other twinges and aches just prove to me that my form and strength needs to improve and will with time and HARD work.  

So, if you are looking at an opportunity and putting it off because you think it’s unreachable and you are making excuses.  STOP.  Just stop.  Go put on your big girl panties and maybe some grips and jump.  Jump, grab that bar and pull…because I once watched a girl cry doing pull ups because she never thought she could…and now, well lets just say that her hard work has paid off and she is one of my favorite people to look up to!  GO GET IT!



When I Grow Up I Want To Be…..


This post is implying that I haven’t grown up, which I find to be perfectly acceptable.  After all, isn’t 40 (which I’m NOT yet) supposed to be the new 20-something.  Right?  Right.  So I still have plenty of time to figure out what I want to be.  My everyday paying job that brings in the bacon, and since starting Crossfit, we eat A LOT of bacon, states that I am in sales…the sale of hair to be specific.  Yes, I said hair.  Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my job.  It’s an awesome job and I have an awesome boss who does a great job at constantly motivating me and praising me, which makes it so much easier to “clock in” everyday!  However, I have dreams…a whole lot of BIG dreams.  I want my own business, I want to be successful in something that I have done and created and planned.  And boy do I have plans…in a perfect world my partner in crime (and cooking, and painting and gardening and crafts and just about everything) Kelsey and I would have a cute little restaurant with a co-op market attached to it, where we would serve the most amazingly healthy and tasty food and sell the freshest local veggies and meats around.  Along with our restaurant which would have an equally cute name like, Eat at Kim and Kelsey’s, (ok, we are working on that) we would also have a furniture business, because you know, we are going to BUILD furniture AND refinish and go to flea markets and refurbish old things…we actually do have a cute name for that, but I can’t tell y’all yet.  (Thanks Hannah Beth!)

My boutique, was the start of my dream.  Leilani B was supposed to be that dream come true, that open door of opportunity into owning my own business.  The door was open, but the opportunity wasn’t exactly what we hoped it would be.  It seems there is a crowd all trying to fit through that door and with all of those people barging in on my dream, it just doesn’t feel very “dreamy” anymore.  Vendors that we buy our clothes from are raising prices and customers that shop with us don’t want to spend more money.  We have lost so much money and it’s tough not to be discouraged and just quit.  But forward we will go.

One day I’m going to wake up in a house on about 5-50 acres, and I’m going to look over at my husband who is such a hunk and I’m going to tell him it’s time to get up and go feed the pigs…or cows…horses, camels, you can pretty much insert any animal you would like here.  Then I’m going to go out to my workshop where Kelsey will already be (because of course she has her own little house right there) and we are going to make beautiful furniture and sell beautiful items that we have found and bought through local women who are also trying to live THEIR dreams.  Part of living our dream is making sure that we help other dreams come true.  And of course we will cook, we will cook and bake and grill and chop and eat, because we are foodies and we will invite you all over, because we also have an open door.  

There are a lot of other parts to this dream…my kids will be just wonderful.  They will never talk back and will do all of their chores without complaint.  Ok, that may be a little too far fetched.  I will settle with them just being the great kids that they are now…minus MineCraft…in my perfect world that game does not exist.  Also in my perfect world Tyler will have his own Crossfit box, maybe it could be a branch of the one we are at now…who knows.  We love our new little Crossfit family!  He wouldn’t come home stressed, just a little achy.  Kelsey would meet and marry the most amazing guy, who would be handsome and a rancher/farmer type guy who also loves monkeys and dogs and all kinds of animals and he would also be a former MLB player.  I guess if he has a monkey he doesn’t HAVE to be a baseball player…although that would definitely be a perk, if he Crossfits we will accept him in the cult…ahem…family.  

Anyway, my point is, that I’m not quitting.  I’m not giving up on my dream.  It may end up being quite ironic if I go full circle and end up back in remodeling/refinishing since I did get a degree in Interior Design yet never fully used it.  So, when you see me posting these changes, please don’t roll your eyes and say, “there goes Kim again, onto another project…”  My projects are just steps towards making my dreams come true.  

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.
Sarah Ban Breathnach 

I see myself as a dreamer that is going to DO…A LOT.  And I’m not quitting until I’m done dreaming….which may take a very long time.  Like I said, when I grow up I want to be…..