I’m Raising a G.I. Jane

Last week my sister in law, Jayme came over and asked if she could pick Riley up and take him to see G.I. Joe this week while the kids were out of school for Easter break.  Feeling a little left out, I told her that Emma and I wanted to see it too and of course Tyler (who is known to have a bit of a man crush on The Rock).  SO, we all loaded up and went to see it today, and it was everything I hoped it would be.  The first one was good, but this one was just awesome.  I think the main reason I loved it so much was that the girls in this movie were nothing short of BAD ASS.  And while I was sitting there during one of the first action scenes, feeling just a tiny bit inadequate while Lady Jaye kicked the boogers out of some guy’s face….my daughter was likewise completely enthralled.   She turned to me with wide eyes and said “I LIKE her!”  And that was it, my heart burst with the realization that as much as I love that she is a mini fashionista…she is also her daddy’s girl and she’s a tough cookie for sure.

See, Em loves horses and American Girl dolls, Barbies and dresses, oh and SHOES…but she also loves Crossfit and independence and Duck Dynasty, hunting, big trucks and guns.  In fact the very first time she ever shot a gun was with her cousin and Uncle Scott, he took the girls to a shooting range and of all the guns to learn with, Em shot an AR-15…well….very well.  She brought home her target and it was spot on, perfect, WAY better than her mama can shoot a gun.

em gun

 

And while I know many people will frown at this and have negative remarks to make, I AM PROUD.  I am all for gun rights, and I will firmly stand up for the right to bear arms and for my children  to know and learn how to shoot a gun and how to respect a gun.  We are raising confident children who are growing up way too fast and will soon be young adults.  I never tell my kids that they “can’t”, instead I try and encourage them to make the right choices and always try to live the potential that God has for them.  It’s not easy, they test and try me at every turn, and often I have to remind myself that I too CAN raise these kids to be strong and confident.

So, since my daughter is going all G.I. Jane on me, and I hope that one day she will be strong and beautiful and BAD ASS enough to kick the boogers out of any “bad” guys face, I have decided that I need to join forces and bite the bullet, jump on the bull, put on my big girl panties…however you want to say it,  I’m finally going to go to Crossfit with my hunk of a husband….this may be my last post, I may die on the mat there….but at least my daughter will know that I tried to be a G.I. Jane too…..

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Just a little tired…

Sometimes I get so tired of pretending not to be tired…not to be completely drained and exhausted and weary and confused and just plain wiped out.  Lately I am trying really hard to be upbeat and strong and optimistic and hopeful, always, always, hopeful.  But.  I’m tired.  I believe with all my heart that God has so much more for me in His plans, for my family.  I look at my strong, amazing, faithful husband and my heart swells.  I know He has plans for him too.  But.  I’m tired.  I look at my healthy, vibrant, beautiful children and I know that His plans for them will exceed anything that I can hope for.  But. I am tired. 

We struggle, not in the sense that so many others do, but we struggle just the same.  Finances are the root of all evil and sometimes it seems that no matter how hard we work, we just can not seem to catch up.    If I had it my way, we wouldn’t need money at all…we would just live and love and not worry about how much everything costs.  Because everything does cost, and not just in the monetary sense.  My working, 2+ jobs costs me time with my family, and it costs me my health as well…I know that I am pushing it and that my blood pressure is probably off of the charts…but still I keep going.  Sometimes, I just want to be still. I want to be so still that the earth shakes and clarity comes and I see what it is that I am supposed to do, yet, I do not know how to be that still.  Chaos surrounds me, and I keep moving.  Maybe that is my problem, maybe I try too hard to do too much?  Maybe sitting in complete and utter silence will enlighten me, maybe I will finally be able to hear what it is He wants me to? 

“Your treasure – your perfection – is within you already.  But to claim
it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the
desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.”  Eat, Pray, Love

I just do not know how to do it though, every time I try…I become scared.  I feel like I have to keep trying to make things right and fix things…I do not know how to just listen.  So, I keep moving.  Maybe I need someone to come hold me down.  Or better yet, maybe this weight will finally anchor me and I will be forced to just stop and be still.  And then, when the time is right and He tells me, I will move and this time perhaps I CAN finally move mountains and achieve all the dreams that I have for my family and myself.  It’s feeling pretty heavy, so I must be getting closer…and Lord, I am ready, I am ready for you to hold me down and fill me with your love and then lift this weight off of me and lead me on the journey that you have designed and not the one that I keep trying to trudge through. 

My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. ~ Psalm 62:5-8

 

And change comes with the seasons….

Hello all…it’s been a long time since I have written and for that I apologize.  I have received so many heartfelt messages from so many people that are struggling through their own situations with skin cancer, and because I have been caught up in work and life and everything else, I failed to read your comments.  Please know that I am praying for each and everyone of you that you had or will have a speedy recovery and that your body will soon be healed.

I too have been still battling the dreadful C word.  While, I have not had anymore surgeries, a recent trip to the dermatology department of MD Anderson, found me facing 19 lesions.  All considered to be skin cancer, most likely basal cells.  I was offered a clinical trial that involved taking a new drug, Erivedge.  I declined it however, due to some rather disturbing side effects, which included loss of hair but more importantly to me the loss of taste…I AM A FOODIE!  That is not something I am ready to sacrifice.  Instead, the doctor and I discussed another option, one much less invasive.  I am to use Tazorac on the lesions as often as possible.  The idea is that the sonic hedgehogs…(insert video game hedgehog rolling over balls) would block the pathways of the cancer cells and cause a reversal.  I was warned that it would be painful, as blisters would form and skin peeling was possible.  Well, I laughed and said ANYTHING was better than surgery…I proceeded to slather myself in the stuff!  Needless to say, I have stopped taking it for the past few weeks now, once my chest broke out in blisters and my forehead peeled off, I thought it may be a good idea to give myself a break, the doctor definitely wasn’t kidding!  I do feel that it is working though.  Now that the blisters have healed, some of the spots on my chest are barely noticeable and there has been no itching or pain for several days.  So maybe that is a good sign?!

Many have asked how I have healed, it’s been approximately 8 months since my last MOHS surgery on my face.  The scar has healed amazingly.  There occasionally is some itching or some numbness, especially around my lip, but for the most part, it is not noticeable.  Unless I point it out, many of my new airbrush tanning clients don’t even see it.  I have continued to speak out against tanning bed salons and try and educate my clients on the importance of sun safety.  My journey is far from over.

Here is a recent picture taken of me a few weeks ago, of course I am wearing makeup, but as you can see…the scar is barely noticeable.  So if you are currently healing or about to have to face surgery…have faith that it isn’t as bad an it initially seems!

This blog is now being converted to cover many other topics.  I will continue to promote skin cancer awareness, but I will also be posting recipes, family issues and of course my favorite…the latest and greatest fashion finds for myself and my family!  xoxo, Kim

kim