Here We Go Again….

It’s 9:15 on Wednesday night…my family and friends all just left after celebrating my daughter’s 9th birthday.  I should be getting ready for bed, I should be preparing for tomorrow, I should be resting, but instead I am anxious, wide awake, worrying, anticipating, regretting, and praying.  Tomorrow is another surgery for the basal cell skin cancer that has attacked my body after years of unsafe tanning habits.  I already had one removed from my lip and now have one more to go on my nose…however this is just my face.  I also have them on my chest, shoulders, back, arms and legs.  I am a walking billboard for skin cancer, I am proof that tanning beds and never using sunscreen WILL someday catch up to you.  Maybe not this year or even next, but the damage is done and it can’t be reversed.  So, back to my surgery tomorrow.  I have a spot on my nose.  It showed up about a year or so ago, I was originally told it was nothing, even though my gut told me it was definitely something.  Like my lip, I procrastinated, I hemmed and hawed (yep, pretty sure that is a southern saying) about whether or not it was something bad and I should have it taken care of.  I fretted over having my nose CUT on…I worried about the scars….yet, here I am today…there is no denying that something has to be done.  In the past 2 weeks, this spot has grown twice the size that it was on April 30th when I had my last surgery.  And, in the last 3 days or so I have woken up to this

As you can see, my first scar is healing well.  Not perfect, still sore and stiff, but overall not too bad.  My nose on the other had has decided to sprout a small horn, one that bleeds every morning and is extremely sensitive.   So tomorrow, at 8am, it is coming off, or out, or however you want to describe it.  Anyhow, I am concerned, I feel that this one, the one I thought would be nothing compared to my lip is going to be way, WAY worse.  And while I know how vain I sound and how much worse it could be or get (this hasn’t even been biopsied to say for SURE that it is just a basal cell) I am really, REALLY scared…again.  I don’t live with regrets, everything I have ever done has been exactly what I feel was meant to happen in my life, but this, this scares me…this makes me regret ever laying in a tanning bed, ever baking until I burnt and then peeled.  Yet, in the back of my mind I also know that I am right where God intends me to be.  I know that I have already done so much for so many…I have made some great new friends and encouraged quite a few young women to stay as far away from tanning beds as possible.  I love how people are opening up to me, sharing their stories of sun worshipping and their fears of a particular spot or mark that they worry looks suspicious.  So, back I go tomorrow, MOHS we meet again.  I hope that you are as kind to me this time as last and that cancer soon finds that their is no room in my body to entertain its destructive ways.  For those of you that are still not sure about MOHS and how it works, this is what I will be going through tomorrow morning…

So as the title states…here WE go again.  I say “we” because so many of you have been so supportive and encouraging and it is because of you, I keep my head held high and focus on moving forward, hopefully I can help save other young women AND men from having to go through similar situations.  I will keep you posted tomorrow, be prepared for more pics and step by grueling step descriptions of the procedure….it isn’t pretty but it’s real.  Don’t let it ever happen to you or your loved ones!  Be sun safe!

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4 thoughts on “Here We Go Again….

  1. Thinking of and praying for you, hoping this one goes smoothly. At least this time you won’t have to drink wine through a straw, right? 🙂 Still another 11 days until mine. So glad that you could get in fairly quickly. Be strong and brave, as you have been all along!

    • Thanks! It wasn’t too horrible, I think because I was better prepared! Please let me know when you have yours…send me a message and let me know how you are doing!!!

  2. You said you had investigated various treatments methods for your basel cell. Since I don’t believe it’s used in standard medical practices in the U.S., I wonder if you’re aware of BEC5. Used for at least 20 years in the U.K. and Australia, the substance has been 100% effective in eradicating basel cell carcinomas. The cancer has NEVER reocurred in the same spot. One problem here is that you may not be able to find a doctor who will look after the process, so you would not have someone to “hold your hand.” I used it myself on a basel cell on my arm. While it took a full 3 months to finish the treatment, it left only a very thin white line “scar.” Although the 2X daily treatment was somewhat painful for a few minutes, it was tolerable, at least in my case. The wound/sore was not very pretty for the 3 months and would obviously be less tolerable on the face. The saving grace is that since the wound heals much better than some cutting might, it is supposed to be particularly better for facial treatments. Also, the cost is probably a huge percentage less than standard treatments here in the U.S. I just looked into it on the net, and see that it’s now been endorsed by Dr. Oz, if that means anything to you.
    If interested, you can very easily research it on the net.

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